Premier league predictions thread 2023-24

weasel

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The season starts next weekend, well, the PL season. So time for the annual, 'make yourself look like a dick come May' thread.

As always no prizes just bragging rights, and a chance to embarrass yourself.

1) Which Man City will win the league?
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City?
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order.
4) The three sides relegated from the PL.
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations.
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad
7) Top scorer in PL
8) Top assister in PL
9) First manager sacked.
10) FAC winner
11) Worthless Cup winner
12) CL winner
13) CL runner up
14) EL winner
15) UEFA Conference winner
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer
18) Random predictions.
 

lejackal

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Here…we…go

1) Which Man City will win the league? Utd
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City? Arsenal
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order. Dhabi FC, Liverpool
4) The three sides relegated from the PL. Everton, West Ham, Luton
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations. Burnley
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad Chelsea
7) Top scorer in PL Cheat Code
8) Top assister in PL Odegaard
9) First manager sacked. Moyes
10) FAC winner Newcastle
11) Worthless Cup winner Dhabi FC
12) CL winner Bayern
13) CL runner up Real Madrid
14) EL winner Arsenal
15) UEFA Conference winner Villa
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer Timber
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer Whoever West Ham spend all their Rice money on
18) Random predictions. Edd says something positive about Arteta 😂
 

SAVORY100

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1) Which Man City will win the league? Citeh!
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City? Spurs
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order. Arsenal, Liverpool
4) The three sides relegated from the PL. Everton, Burnley, Luton
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations. Spurs
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad Chelsea
7) Top scorer in PL Haaaarlander
8) Top assister in PL Maddison
9) First manager sacked. Poch
10) FAC winner Spurs will of course get this as Kane will have left to get a trophy.
11) Worthless Cup winner Villa
12) CL winner Citeh
13) CL runner up Real Madrid
14) EL winner don't care
15) UEFA Conference winner really don't care
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer Maddison
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer Utd's Haarland lite
18) Random predictions. Arsenal to lose their first 4 games and then go on an unbeaten run of 10 games, before then losing to Chelsea the game after Poch is sacked, but end up finishing 3rd with most goals scored ever in a Premier League season but not a single goal by the son of God.
Kane joins Bayern and they fail to win the league, they do make the cup finals but Kane's ankle injuries return mean he lets them down on both days
 

theforceuk

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I usually wait until the last minute, but what's the point? It doesn't help. So here is me in 9 months laughing at myself. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Twat.

1) Which Man City will win the league? So if City don't Liverpool.
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City? Liverpool or City.
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order. Arsenal and Man Utd
4) The three sides relegated from the PL. Everton, Luton and Wolves
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations. Sheffield Utd
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad I'm going Chelsea again.
7) Top scorer in PL Haaland
8) Top assister in PL VAR
9) First manager sacked. Ange Postecoglou Really not sure though.
10) FAC winner Man City
11) Worthless Cup winner Man City
12) CL winner Man City
13) CL runner up Barcelona
14) EL winner Liverpool
15) UEFA Conference winner Who's in it? Aston Villa?
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer No idea, hopefully not Rice but I'll go for him.
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer. Mount probably.
18) Random predictions. Nothing happens to Man City for cheating 115 times.
 

lejackal

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@lejackal Dafuq are you smoking? Utd to win the title?
@SAVORY100 the men in white coats are coming for you, Spuds coming second?
I just don't think it will be Dhabi FC again and if I put us I'd (a) curse it and (b) give you more reason to laugh.
The rest of it is serious, ESPECIALLY about Timber
 

weasel

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I just don't think it will be Dhabi FC again and if I put us I'd (a) curse it and (b) give you more reason to laugh.
The rest of it is serious, ESPECIALLY about Timber
The rest of it is vaguely plausible*. At least, you can make an argument for each of them. Utd winning the league though. I'm hoping the fact you have said that means they will implode and finish 17th.


* apart from the last one.
 

weasel

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1) Which Man City will win the league?……City
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City?…… One from 3 or 4, I'll go for Arsenal as they look most settled.
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order.……Pool and Utd.
4) The three sides relegated from the PL.……..Luton, Sheff Utd and one from Wolves, Palace, Fulham (if Mitrovic and Paulinho go), Everton, Bournemouth and Forest. I'll go with Forest.
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations……. Villa.
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad..……Chelsea.
7) Top scorer in PL….. Duh, baring injury Haaland.
8) Top assister in PL……KDB
9) First manager sacked….Moyesy or yer man at Wolves, though I could see them walk to.
10) FAC winner……Arsenal
11) Worthless Cup winner…..City
12) CL winner…….City (trying to jinx them here)
13) CL runner up….Real
14) EL winner…..Should be Pool.
15) UEFA Conference winner…….Villa
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer…probably someone at Brighton
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer. That Utd striker will be hit or ****. Most Chelsea signings look questionable. Haverts doesn't look value for money.
18) Random predictions….. Maguire and Henderson to continue to get picked for England despite not playing/playing at a sub non league level. City to get away without punishment for their 115 breaches of FFP looks a safe call too.
I may change my predictions during the week, with the window open it's hard to know for sure what teams will looks like. Spurs with or without Harry Kane being the prime example.
I just thought I'd throw out a few ideas on where certain teams are, or look to be in my mind while the kids are asleep. Plus it's another way of looking like an idiot when come May they have done totally the opposite to what I expected.

City, this is the first year I'm a little worried City could have a dip. Guondogan and Mahrez are going to be big losses for them. Both where getting on and probably needed to be moved on in a year or two, or phased out slowly. But they have a wealth of experience that you just cant buy. Their squad is still scary good, and I don't see any chance of them missing out on top four, but with only Kovacic coming in (and he is a downgrade however you look at it), and an unpronounceable CB, the midfield may be a tad weaker than normal. I'm still not sure on Grealish, I don't think he'll ever look like good value at 100m. I still expect City to be the team to beat, Haaland and KDB along with that defence guarantee it, but I could see them finishing with fewer points this year than previously. possibly under 90. Cue them getting 110!

Arsenal. Their squad needed a bit of padding out and fair ****s they have done it, with Havertz, Rice and Timber. I know very little about the latter, but plenty of "big" clubs were supposedly in for him so he can't be a donkey. Havertz is a strange one. He never convinced at Chelsea and Arsenal have paid 65m for him. Whatever way you look at it, that is BIG money. Far too big for me. Rice should be a decent fit, it may take him a while to get used to the new style of play but he's a great player, albeit another with a big price tag. Only Xhaka out, so a net spend of about 180m. It'll be interesting to see how Arsenal cope with CL footy midweek as well. That will depend on the group they get. Also if their luck sticks around. For most of last season they had levels of luck that I haven't seen, if that continues they will be right up there. If it reverts to normal, they are one of a handful of sides who will be fighting it out for the top four. I suspect they will have enough to get over that line.

Utd. It's hard to try and look at Utd dispassionately. I just want them to bring back Moyesy or OGS and give Fat Maguire a new 20yr contract. They have spent big, again, as well. I think that's 400m ETH has spent in a year, not many clubs get that level of investment. Fair ****s, he definitely made them better last season, though they couldn't realistically have got much worse. He hasn't managed to ship out any of the dead wood for much money, so another club with a huge net spend (c£180m), all academic if the Qatari sports washers takeover of course. I'm not sure on Mount as far as value goes, but I guess he strengthens the squad and he is home grown etc, so there are premiums to pay there. Onana has continued where he left off at Inter and Ajax, great distribution but occasionally some crazy positioning. Utd will be hoping the former is worth more than the latter costs them, and he will get caught out at some point. I suspect Utd will be there or thereabouts for the top spots again. Much as I would love to see them relegated.

Newcastle. A surprisingly quiet window for them, they must be trying to actually stick to FFP rules, which is a novel tactic. Harvey Barnes is a solid PL addition, even the price wasn't too bad. I know FA about Tonali. Newcastle's problems will be the additional burden of CL footy, which will probably kick in more in Dec/Jan when the fixtures come thick and fast, rather than in early season when the legs are fresh and the novelty value and crowd get them through. Also, if the PL go down the WC route and start adding on 10minutes stoppage time, Newcastle are ****ED. They were a HORRIBLE team to watch last year, the time wasting and general cuntyness was pure Atheltico Madrid. NOT something I would have expected from an Eddie Howe side. If they have CL midweek games and then have to start playing 200minute PL games at the weekend, that squad will start to look very threadbare. I think I'm leaning towards them missing out on the CL this season, but I still think they will make Europe.

Pool. Dafuq do you start? All Pool fans admitted that midfield needed an overhaul, but I wasn't expecting to lose SIX midfielders in one summer. Ok, Carvalho is only away on loan and Ox/Keita were perma crocks, but however you dress that up, that isn't a 'rebuild' so much as a demolition. I have no worries on MacAllister, he knows the PL and is a Wc winner. The unpronounceable fella looks and sounds to be a solid addition. But they are still a body light in midifield, especially in the DCM department. As it stands the only DCM at the club is teenage Stefan Bajectic. They also continue to insist on spending a quarter of what everyone else does. 95m gone out the door in fees and 55m brought in. When you consider the issues that were so blatantly obvious in Pool's squad last year, that level of ……ehhh "investment" is bizarre. What more does Klopp have to do to get FSG to spend some money. How the new midfield gels will determine how well Pool do this season and right now, I have no clue. If it clicks I could see them finish second, if it's like last year, it could be anything from 3rd to 6th/7th. The forward line, looks as good as anything out there (in terms of quality and numbers, Haaland is obviously a one man freak), the defence is fine as long as no one gets injured. Beyond the starting four defenders the drop off in quality and reliability is scary. But it all boils down to the midfield. Answers on a postcard.

Brighton. Does the added weight of EL football impact them? They have no expereince of that and got duffed out of the FAC early doors last year so really only had one game a week. Suddenly to double that, and have a target on your back, and probably a few nice trips to Kazakstan or Armenia in the EL….that's a whole different ball game. I suspect they will be fine, albeit they may not quite hit the heights they did last year. A lot depends on if they keep Calceido (and him not being a dick if he doesnt get a move) and how the new boys settle. But they look a very very well run clubs so I don't think they'll struggle. James Milner is a very astute signing. His off pitch presence alone is worth whatever they are paying him.

Villa. They did really well when Emery came on board. He is a solid manager, it just didn't work for him at Arsenal for some reason. Tielemens is a proven PL player, albeit apparently not too found of high work rate, and Pau Torres has been linked with every big club for years. If they can continue to be hard to beat and don't get distracted by playing in the European fizzy challenge waste of time Cup, then I think they'll be right in the fight for European spots again.

Spuds. It all hinges on Kane. If he goes, and IF Daniel Levy lets Ange spend the bulk of it, then it all depends how the team adapts to his style, how he/his style copes with the PL and how well he spends the money. It will take the team a yr to get used to his style, and for him to work out who he wants and who he doesn't. But from what I have seen of his Celtic side, and granted that was "only" in the SPL, they play a very high tempo pressing game. That SHOULD work well in the PL. His record with signings at Celtic was pretty good. He brought in quite a few players from Japan who have looked very good. The issue there maybe the difference in standard between the SPL and the PL. But coming back to my first point, it all depends on Kane. His goals/presence probably add 2 or 3 positions to Spurs final league placing.

Chelsea. What. A. ****ing. Shambles. Seriously, where is the logic or game plan there? It's pure "Ohhhh shiny thing. Me want shiny thing." 185m spent on MORE new signings and about the same brought in from sales. Probably more from sales as few are undisclosed, including the massive success that was Koulibaly. How much did he cost them last summer, 40m? How the **** they even work out where they are with respects to FFP is beyond me. But the money they have spent…..that should probably read "wasted"……Since Bhoelys's (spelling) take over is unreal. That squad still looks unbalanced, with a lot of young and new signings are very few players at their peak or with a lot of experience, PL experience in particular.
Ohh and flogging off every single remotely decent youth prospect cos they count as 'free' and thus pure profit for FFP purposes is daft. They are gutting the soul of the club to buy a load of foreign players must of whom won't give a **** about the club. Plus there are only so many youth prospects you can flog, and what message does that send to those coming through? "Play for us and we will flog you as soon as you a quarter decent!" Just what every young kid wants to hear.
It's not a club I like in any way, shape, or form, and this current incarnation is no more likeable than the spoilt child/richman's play thing they were under Ibramovich. I'm hoping they continue to struggle as the 200 new players they have signed, half of whom seem to be wingers or wide attackers, struggle to make any semblance of a team.
 
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edd_jedi

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Arsenal... Also if their luck sticks around. For most of last season they had levels of luck that I haven't seen, if that continues they will be right up there.
Well they've just equalised in the 11th minute of injury time in a cup final they shouldn't even be playing in, so looks like it!
 

edd_jedi

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Called it :ROFLMAO:

c6485a60-060c-4988-b3ef-77f3ee805445.jpg
 

weasel

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Ohh and Pool beat City in last season's Charity Shield…..quite comfortably…… even as a Pool fan I gotta admit you can make a reasonable argument for City having had a better season than Pool last yr!
 

theforceuk

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I don't believe Arsenal won I was doing a BBQ and turned it off in the 110th minute to concentrate on that. Told my son City won and only just found out reading this thread! Football hey, bloody football.
 

weasel

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Looks like the longer ET is going to be a thing this year.

Everton Newcastle will be fun. The crowd will need sleeping bags when the first half extra time and extra time in extra time runs to four days
 

edd_jedi

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1) Which Man City will win the league? Man City
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City? Newcastle
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order. Manchester United, Arsenal
4) The three sides relegated from the PL. Luton, Forest, Everton
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations. Burnley
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad Liverpool
7) Top scorer in PL Halaand
8) Top assister in PL De Bruyner
9) First manager sacked. Roy Hodgson
10) FAC winner Arsenal
11) Worthless Cup winner Chelsea
12) CL winner City
13) CL runner up Real Madrid
14) EL winner Liverpool
15) UEFA Conference winner ?
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer Rice
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer Rice (got to be one of the two surely?!)
18) Random predictions. Chelsea to be a lot better than they were last season
 

TheJabbaWookie

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1) Which Man City will win the league? Man City
2) Team who finishes second behind Man City? Arsenal
3) The other two CL qualifiers, in order. Man Utd, Liverpool
4) The three sides relegated from the PL. Fulham, Wolves, Luton
5) Team that massively exceeds expectations. Aston Villa
6) Chelsea award for team that manages to be worse than shite, despite having a solid CL squad Spurs
7) Top scorer in PL Haaland
8) Top assister in PL Salah
9) First manager sacked.
10) FAC winner
11) Worthless Cup winner Man City
12) CL winner Bayern Munich
13) CL runner up Real Madrid
14) EL winner Villarreal
15) UEFA Conference winner Aston Villa
16) The Divock Origi award for the signing of the summer Joao Pedro
17) The Richarlison award for biggest waste of money of the summer Havertz
18) Random predictions.
 
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edd_jedi

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@weasel the rationale for my Liverpool prediction is that Klopp seems to have lost his grip on the team, which happens to every top manager eventually. They also haven't really improved their defence, which was the weak point last season. They remind me of 2019 Spurs, what do you do when you're top of your game? Spend no money and fade away!

I think they'll do OK, winning the Europa League is a decent opportunity, but based on last season I don't see them suddenly becoming a title contender again with practically the same squad and manager.
 

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