Which /lifestyle/career choice do you choose?

[Joe]

This can and will be hypothetical to most of you but it is something that I am sort of going through (bit of a pre mid life crisis) so here goes:

At current you and your partner work, not great jobs but enough to pay the bills and get by, afford a few luxuries once in a while, you have a small family (one or two kids) and you get by day to day.

Do you keep going as you are or do you embark on a new (and hopefully higher paid) career for a better future? There is no plan, no job choice or career plan just an urge to do better..do you go for it even though it would definitely mean spending less time with your family and your kids?

I am at a real loss as to what to do lately, I don't particular enjoy working in the job I do and for the wage I get yet I work from home so I spend every single day with my beautiful little girl.

Are the simplest things sometimes the best? Is chasing a better career while sacrificing the best years of your childs life worth it? Is wanting more just a natural part of being human?

I am eternally grateful I even have a job right now as there are a lot of people out there with more qualifications than me that can't find a job in the domain they studied in or any job anywhere..so this is not so much a rant or a moan from an ungrateful worker..just someone who wants some advice!

Sorry for the ramble, not got too many people to chat stuff like this out with where I am!

 

[PGowdy]

Personally i'm a believer in taking risk. Too many people complain about the job they have as if they have no choice to do anything about it. The sad fact is most either don't have the courage to do anything about it. If a person really doesn't have any better ideas for this one short life they have in terms of a job (where you'll spend close to a 3rd of your life), then that's really sad. A shame and a sad waste of precious time. But if someone DOES have the ideas and the knowhow to be better, happier, achieve more for themselves and their family then they really need to do it and stop finding excuses not to which altho sound like reasonable excuses, really are just fear based reasons to avoid change.
I know it is not always as "easy" and "simple" as all that but sometimes you just gotta go for it and stop convincing yourself that you can't. Most millionaires are not geniuses. The only difference between most of them and the rest of the world is self belief and positive attitude.
The biggest regrets people ever have are years later when they look back and go "man, i wish i'd given that a shot. What if..." It's one of life's most sad and common tragedies.

 

[jackabina]

Money will always be there to be earn't to a certain degree Joe, time with your kids won't be. Put yourself 10 or 15 years into the futher and imagine asking your kids what they remember from growing up? I you want them to say 'all the nice things I got for christmas', go for a more fulfilling job. If you'd rather they say ' The way we used to go to the zoo, or 'all the time we done things together as a family' etc, stay as you are, but make sure you get something out of it personally. I know it's easy for someone else to say, but personally, I earn really good money and would say we're 'comfortable' but I have to work ****ing hard, and long hours. Most of the time, that makes me sad . What does your partner think :?:

 

[silver grin]

Got to agree with Pete.

I've applied for a job that is about £5k a year less than what i'm on at the minute but there will be more opportunities for me in the future and it is something I really want to go for.

Long and short of it is money isn't everything and to me, job happiness is more valued. BUT, I don't have any kids... that would make me think twice as you seem to be mate.

All the best

 

[Richard_H]

I took time out of work to go back and do a second University degree. I now earn 5 times my previous salary and things are a lot better. I'm going for another promotion this month. Take the risk but be fully committed. I haven't missed seeing my kids as they're at school all day anyway and as soon as they're back they're off out. We have times that we all agree that we do a family thing together.

 

[Joe]

Thanks for the replies guys I do enjoy reading other peoples thoughts on things.

Neil I think you hit on something that is really the root of the problem for me, I know I would prefer to spend as much time as I can with my daughter in her first few years but I would also like to think about the future and wonder how I will provide for her and us as a family as our costs increase and our needs change, will need a bigger place etc.

Pete I do appreciate your point of view and I agree with much of your post however it is perhaps a little hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has a child to take care of and provide for, where any money in is better than risking having no money. Sometimes the safest/easiest choice can be the best even if it isn't as fulfilling as a job you would prefer to do.

I personally don't think my circumstances allow me to take a chance yet even though I really want to, ultimately there is a big possibilty I would have to retrain to do another job which may take a couple of years before I even get access to a larger salary.

I totally enjoy being around my family all day every day, between the two of us we earn as much as one person on a good single income with the other at home looking after the kids (which is how most people do it isn't it?)..

Perhaps this isn't the time to be thinking about how to do better in life and I should just concentrate on having fun with my family while I have a job that lets me spend time with them, I guess meeting up with old friends with their own houses and flash new cars has had a bit of an impact on me in recent months, most of the people I know are supervisors, bosses, owners of their own businesses. Perhaps I should ask them if they are happy? lol

 

[Joe]

I took time out of work to go back and do a second University degree. I now earn 5 times my previous salary and things are a lot better. I'm going for another promotion this month. Take the risk but be fully committed. I haven't missed seeing my kids as they're at school all day anyway and as soon as they're back they're off out. We have times that we all agree that we do a family thing together.

I keep thinking that just waiting a couple of years till my daughter is school age where I can actually be gone for most of the day is probably the best option if I want to go out there and better myself job wise. Sounds like it worked out just fine for you!

5 times my current salary would actually get me a mortgage too :lol:

 

[Richard_H]

It was hard because I had a daughter to support too. I got a job as a pizza delivery driver (made about £90 a night) to support us as well as uni loans and grants and stuff. Worked late as daughter was asleep 3 or 4 nights per week. It was hard but I'd do it all again

 

[jackabina]

I hope you find what you're after mate.

 

[PGowdy]

Pete I do appreciate your point of view and I agree with much of your post however it is perhaps a little hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has a child to take care of and provide for, where any money in is better than risking having no money. Sometimes the safest/easiest choice can be the best even if it isn't as fulfilling as a job you would prefer to do.

Very true. For some it would be a near impossible switch to manage if it meant you couldn't provide for your family. However the mere fact that you had asked the question at all lead me to believe it was more than a possibility in your circumstances. Difficult but possible and that's what my advice was aimed at. Obviously it wouldn't be easy and there'd be a million things to consider, no doubt and after staring at the drawing board for a couple of weeks you may decide it's just not possible but until then it is possible and if it's something that would make you happy and in the long run be more financially beneficial then my advice would still be to go for it.

 

[itfciain]

Hey Joe

I know exactly how you feel. I have been out of work for the past 3 months after agreeing to voluntary redundancy at my last place (which was a relief as I was not enjoying it) - this has allowed me to be there for the birth of our daughter and have seen her first 6 weeks - which has been ace.

I have just sorted out a new job which will see me on £7K less than I was on (although bonus could get me back up there) - however it is with a much larger company and the patch that I will be covering will mean that I will be home each evening.

We did discuss me staying at home permanently as the wife has a good job but in the end I realised that I wasn't going to enjoy that and it would also mean that we had to cut back on our expenditure.

Finding a healthy work/home life balance is important - especially when you have kids - I want to be in a position to earn enough money to keep the family comfortable but at the same time I don't want to be spending too much time at work and away from my family.

At the end of the day, you will know what is right - but as Pete says - it is worth taking a risk or two as you don't want to look back and regret not giving it a go

 

[Richard_H]

Good points Iain.

I think if you're asking the questions your mind is already made up

 

[Joe]

Hey Joe

I know exactly how you feel. I have been out of work for the past 3 months after agreeing to voluntary redundancy at my last place (which was a relief as I was not enjoying it) - this has allowed me to be there for the birth of our daughter and have seen her first 6 weeks - which has been ace.

I have just sorted out a new job which will see me on £7K less than I was on (although bonus could get me back up there) - however it is with a much larger company and the patch that I will be covering will mean that I will be home each evening.

We did discuss me staying at home permanently as the wife has a good job but in the end I realised that I wasn't going to enjoy that and it would also mean that we had to cut back on our expenditure.

Finding a healthy work/home life balance is important - especially when you have kids - I want to be in a position to earn enough money to keep the family comfortable but at the same time I don't want to be spending too much time at work and away from my family.

At the end of the day, you will know what is right - but as Pete says - it is worth taking a risk or two as you don't want to look back and regret not giving it a go

Sorry to hear about the job Iain and congrats on the new position, less money but at least you are still paying the bills and putting food on the table! I am glad to hear your opinions on this as it seems you have indeed been faced with a very similar situation.

I have been giving this a lot of thought, way before posting this topic and I think one of the biggest problems for me is that I really don't know what I want to do, I am a hard worker and no doubt I could learn to do just about anything but as far as qualifications go...yeah..slim pickings there.

So whatever it is I decide to do may well eat 2-3 years in studying just to get the qualifications I need to start a new career.

I have no real fear of embarking on a new career because as you may have guessed I DO want to do better in life and will do whatever it takes - my biggest problem is just when do I do it?

I guess while I have a job that pays the bills I should always be thankful and just wait for the right moment to go down that new path, I am having a blast watching my daughter grow up and want that to continue at least until she is at school. I know from running the rat race many years ago (before marriage and kids) that getting up at 6-7am and coming back at 8pm each day just to get the workload done and possibly the chance at a promotion is not going to let me have any time at all with her...it's just that I can never get the thought of that new job (whatever it may be) out of my head. Maybe I should just be a bit more patient and realise that I will get there one day but right now, in many respects, I am incredibly fortunate.

 

[jackabina]

perfect :wink:

 

[aussiejames]

Are you planning on having another child? If you are then maybe ( & only maybe ) it's worth sacrificing time with Em for extra coin. Otherwise for me it's a no brainer, money will never get back the most important years in her life.
Mid life crisis :lol: You've got a few years before you have to worry about that :wink:
ps. what's the Mrs think about it? rumour has it we are supposed to think about them too :lol:

 

[poncho]

im a full time dad! i love it but its very hard sometimes. enjoy your time with your child now enjoy the precious memories and when they hit age 5-9 in school time look into further education or training into a job you enjoy or ultimately pays more because unfortunately money makes the world go round

 

[plantman]

I dont think many people love their job to bits, it all depends on what frame of mind you are in, you get to spend your time with your children which is a blessing, i miss mine so much working 6am - 7pm every day, money isnt everything, maybe look at your savings goals and get saving now so when your kids are older you have a safety net to go and change your job in the future.

What about a small ebay business whilst you are working from home? get saving and when the kids are at school you can change direction.

 

[weasel]

"We walk away from our dreams afraid we may fail or worse still..............afraid we may succeed!"

You just have to decide is your 'dream' the big salary or spending time with your family.
You know that one will prohibit the other.
Will the extra financial stability the higher salary brings compensate for not being with your daughter as much!?
Only you know the answer to that.

I've always been a believer in 'better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all' BUT I don't have a wife and child to worry about.

 

[monkey_roo]

I think this is something a lot of people go through. What am I doing can I do more and trying to balance out your personal needs/goals v's family needs. As much as you need to look after your kids you also need to look after yourself so that balance is important. That said as a parent with two kids under 5 and a workaholic wife (80hrs a week+) i find that ballance very hard to keep. i have a very unrewarding job but it pays OK and is flexible. I can WFH and basically come and go as I please as long as the work gets done so I get to look after the kids every morning and evening, which is good for them although there are days it drives me mad , but it is a conscious decision for me to take the lower paid, less rewarding job so my wife can do hers and the kids get as much parent time as possible, the hope being that when both kids are in school in a few years I am then able to push on a bit with my work as they will become a lot more independent.
That said I agree with the statements about chasing dreams and doing something that excites you and as a parent that is one of things I want my kids to learn, never give up on your dreams. Mine was always to be a writer (not that you can tell from the quality of my posts ) and I have begun writing stories to read to the kids, which allows me to do something for myself and still tie it to looking after my kids, but i susspect it will be a few more years before they appriciate that, but in the mean time we build a lot of Lego, which is cracking fun

Hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[edd_jedi]

Having had some really **** jobs in my teens and early 20s, it's important to me now to do something I enjoy more than earning a lot. You spend most of your life at work so it's very unhealthy to hate it. So I have a job that I enjoy, pays pretty well, allows me to do other things, and means I don't have to work crazy hours. I also work from home one day a week which is really nice. I have many friends who work in the City and earn twice what I do or more, but most of them hate it, work 12 hours plus every day and weekends. Not for me.

I do agree with Pete though, every day I see the same people on Facebook complaining about money and how **** their job is, not to mention sharing every 'fat cat' daily mail article they can find. If they quit whining and put that effort in to finding a new job, and didn't piss away their 20s and 30s partying, they'd be much happier now. Work IS out there, you just have to find it. I get literally dozens of emails/calls from recruitment consultants every month, there is no shortage of skilled work. And if you don't have any employable skills by our age, no offence but what have you been doing for the last 30 years!? Get your skates on!

@ Joe - how hardcore is your working from home job? Sounds like a great opportunity to earn a bit extra on the side from eBay or whatever.