worst sexual experiance

grab a coffee before you read this ..its long !
well mine was my first too , it was my first night out in the town centre, i was 15, all the lads i was out with all looked a lot older than i did so i spent half the night on the walls outside the pub...anyway i ended up in this **** hole at the arse end of sunderland (home town) but the condtion of me being able to go out was - i had to be in on the last bus at 11:25pm, i snook away from the group as i did want to admit my mam said i had to go home early as it was my first night out !

anyway on the last bus (**** faced) i ended up getting off the wrong stop so as i was wlaking home these 2 OLDER LASSES walked by and shouted "get your kit off", so i said take me back to yours and i will, she grabbed my srm and next thing i know iam in this sitting room and there was a girl who was in the year above me in school watching T.V , this woman i was with said "thanks very much" and gave her a tenner ??.... then i klicked she was the baby sitter !!!! i was 15 and this lass was 37 :oops:

within a mili-second of the baby sitter going home she jumped on me a shagged me senceless.. then i woke up it was 4:30am...**** ! my mam was going to kill me... i got up (very quitely as i did want to explain why i had to go ) , i picked up my clothes and sneaked down stairs , got dressed then tried to leave ... all the doors and windows were locked and i couldnt open them .. i went back upstairs and climbed out of a window ..hung-out and dropped onto the grass...then ran like ****...

when i got home all the lights were on and a cop car was in our drive ! and as if that wasnt embarassing enough- my mam and dad ripped into me there and then "where the **** have you been etc..", i tried lying and i told them that i missed the last bus and i had to walk home .. but as its only 45 minutes walk away that didnt wash .. but it wasnt that what gave me away !!! my mam said youve been with a woman havent you ... " go look in the mirror"...... feeling puzzled i went to our sitting room mirror and i looked like i'd been eating a beetroot blindfolded.... yes you guessed it she was on ! i also has love bites all around my neck !


i didnt go to the town for a while :oops:

and to make matters worse a year later i had a day off work and my mam asked me to go shopping with her as she had a lot of stuff to carry home , so i went to the local shops ... guess who was there !!! and to make it worse she started to approach us ............................... she knew my mam !!!! , and i could tell for the first couple of seconds she didnt recodnise me ...then you could see the penny just dropped ..to say she blushed is an understatment.....i ****in ****:evil: :evil:
 
I should have known it was gonna be something "unusual" with you! :D
TF it didn't involve other men.........for once! :lol:
 
weasel said:
I should have known it was gonna be something "unusual" with you! :D
TF it didn't involve other men.........for once! :lol:


funny thing was i didnt get another shag for about a year after that happened ...... then it was a quick whip it in , whip it out and wipe it :lol:
 
Wasnt going to post here but thought what the heck

About 3 years a go I had this girl come and stay with me for two weeks from malaysia she was originally from china though, I had known her from a internet penpal serive since 1999 and i had seen her pic she was a bit fat and ugly and wore those horrible double lens glasses to make her look even more ugly

after talking for ages we use to chat on the phone and write eachother naughty emails and she decided she would come stay with me and she was a virgin and wanted to have sex with me, even though i knew what she looked like i was up for it as i am not fussy by any means lol

the plan was if she paid for her ticket i would pay for all her other expenses like food and trips to london and so forth so any ways the first day she got here i persuaded her to have a bath with me :) she certainly had great tits
the next night she wanted to have sex and i was sucking her tits for ages and then she removed her knickers and i almost vomitted as there was a great deal of what i would call froth around her ***** and it stunk

anyways i managed to do it but after that all the time she was here she was begging me and i didnt want no more sex, it was nasty and quite frankly put me off
it was bad enough being fat and ugly but smelly too.......

is weird though considering alot of my friends seem to think im a bit racist my last two gf's were black and although i never even got to see the last ones tits the other one who i lived with for a year had a tasty carpet ***** and she didnt smell at all
 
lee gray said:
there was a great deal of what i would call froth around her *****


And my suddenly my Capachino REALLY doesn't seem so appealing! :?
Cheers Lee! :lol:
 
I actually cant stand coffee but I would much rather lap up the froth on your cappucino than........ you know the rest
 
ive got to be honest but i dont care how horney i was , if i was face to face with a mot that looked like mount versuvious then id be a bit sus and i would have just got a blow job!

i bet your cock is like a tube of primula cheese at the minute !! ****in oozing :twisted: :lol:
 
and while we are on the subject....why are you ****ing girls that look like olive from off the buses.......and as for the foaming *****, my god man! you dirty bastard, iam heaving at the though.....


but just to confirm it ..post a photo of her !
 
Bollux said:
lee thats gross! ****ing hell!

and Han, that last post makes you sound like a star wars nerd!


to be honest i was trying to get the topic back to the forum subject as foaming minges arent my thing! :lol:


however ,,, theres something i want to clear up...you have been emailing her since 1999, and since then you have both kept in contact with sexual type phone/emails/lettersetc.... thats 8 years..... you need to get out more mate ! thats a long time to wait for a festering axe wound... arent there any pizza shops you can go to late at night round your way..theres always an easy **** there ! :lol:
 
i would just like to end this by adding if anyone can think of a subject that makes everyone squirm more than a ugly womans stinky foaming fanny the please please make sure you start a fresh topic as i want to see what we can come up with........i dont think anyone can top that though :lol: :wink:
 
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