jokes

[weasel]

I killed the sound on my computer a few months ago and haven't got round to fixing it yet, so all those video links are kinda wasted on me!
I should really get off my fat ass and fix the computer.......

 

[weasel]

As a mark of respect Fosters have stopped selling beer across Australia.................well, you wouldn't want a warm beer would you!?

(Sorry Josh)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Flowers for Valentines day = £30
Dinner and Cinema = £90
Hotel Room after = £150

The look on his face when you tell him your on your period..........******* priceless!


(Obviously that last one works better if it's a woman telling it!)

 

[jabbawokkie]

7 dwarfs trapped down a mine ,rescue crew shout down if anyones still alive shout something .someone shouts back "chelsea are gonna win league "snow white says "well least dopeys still alive"

 

[jayjedi]

7 dwarfs trapped down a mine ,rescue crew shout down if anyones still alive shout something .someone shouts back "liverpool are gonna win league "snow white says "well least dopeys still alive

works on so many levels :lol:

 

[han duo]

what do you say to a woman with two balck eyes..............????




nothing youve told her twice.... :wink:


my wife just told me that one :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[weasel]

Heard that one before Han!

--------------------------------------------

I was feeling a bit depressed last night so I called lifeline, I got some call centre in Afghanistan. When I told them I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck!

-------------------------------------------

*What does a West Belfast girl (ehhh Chav/scum-bag for you non Norn Irelund people) use for protectiong during sex?

A bus shelter.

*What do you call a 30 year old West Belfast girl?

Granny.

*What do you call a West Belfast girl in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

*What's the first question on a West Belfast quiz night?

What you looking at!?

*Two Westy's in a car with seatbelts on, who's driving!?

The Police!

*What's the most confusing day in West Belfast?

Father's day.

---------------------------------------------------

Three men who were captured by savages were told their cock's would be removed in a manner appropriate to their job! The first man was a lumberjack, his would be chopped off. The second man was a Butcher, his would be sliced off. The third man started laughing. When his captors asked why he was laughing he replied "I work in a lolipop factory!"

----------------------------------------------------