jokes
- Thread starter jayjedi
- Start date
Ron
Sith Lord
The first time I went to a chemist to buy condoms, I was served by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked how big I was and I said, ‘Compared to what?’
She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm about that big.’
She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, ‘You're a medium.’
She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm about that big.’
She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, ‘You're a medium.’
Ron said:The first time I went to a chemist to buy condoms, I was served by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked how big I was and I said, ‘Compared to what?’
She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm bigger than that.’
Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ‘I'm about that big.’
She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, ‘You're a medium.’[/quote
Quality
Hello.
One more sabre building joke.
2 Irishmen walking through crocodile country and they see a crocodile lying there with 2 human arms and a 2 human legs hanging out of its mouth.
One of the Irish guys turns round to the other and says check that lucky bastard with the lacoste tracksuit on.
Cheers Grant.
PS No Offence ment to any Irishmen reading this post.
One more sabre building joke.
2 Irishmen walking through crocodile country and they see a crocodile lying there with 2 human arms and a 2 human legs hanging out of its mouth.
One of the Irish guys turns round to the other and says check that lucky bastard with the lacoste tracksuit on.
Cheers Grant.
PS No Offence ment to any Irishmen reading this post.
weasel said:
Weasel, If i had known you were Irish i wouldnt have listed the last Joke.
Anyway here is one more then im done with these crappy jokes.
An Irish man catchs his son snorting a line of cocaine and says to him,
If I catch you doing that again a rub your fecking nose in that shite.
Cheers,
Grant. :lol: :lol:
Here's one I got from Jabba (credit where credit is due, but God know's who sent it to him!)
A liitle bit of Abdul on the floor,
A little bit of Ahmed on the door,
A little bit of Sanjay in the hall,
A little bit of Imran up the wall...........
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mumbai number 5!
A liitle bit of Abdul on the floor,
A little bit of Ahmed on the door,
A little bit of Sanjay in the hall,
A little bit of Imran up the wall...........
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mumbai number 5!
jayjedi
Sith Lord
i cant believe jabba sent you that :lol:
THIS IS HILARIOUS.......installing a husband
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears
6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those
applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband
1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears
6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those
applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband
1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support
It's an old one, but still funny.
------------------------------------------------
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.
Three million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesnot know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
The United States is sending troops tohelp.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and foodcrops.
The rest of the European community except France is sending money.
The Asian countries are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
The Brits, not to be outdone, are sending three million replacement Pakistanis.
God Bless British generosity!!!
------------------------------------------------
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.
Three million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesnot know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
The United States is sending troops tohelp.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and foodcrops.
The rest of the European community except France is sending money.
The Asian countries are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
The Brits, not to be outdone, are sending three million replacement Pakistanis.
God Bless British generosity!!!
