jokes

[Ron]

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "**** me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been ****ed by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".




Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

 

[Ron]

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other,

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

 

[weasel]

I like the Michael Jackson one!

 

[Ron]

This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

 

[Grant]

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "**** me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been ****ed by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".




Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

The jackson joke is a beauty bud.

good going.

Grant.

:mrgreen:

 

[Josh]

Wow here are the jokes didnt mean to start a new thread myself I know for next time now!
funny stuff fellas!


A guy goes shopping with his daughter to get some barbie dolls and he sees beach barbie $20, dance barbie $20, teacher barbie $20 divorce Barbie $200000
!He thinks divorce Barbie $200000 that cant be right so he asks the clerk "hey mate divorce barbie $200000 is that right" the clerk replies "yeah thats right it comes with kens house, kens car ,kens Boat"

 

[Ron]

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

 

[Josh]

HAHAHAHA thats a good one!


A guy walks into a toilet at his local pub and theres a guy with no arms just standing in the front of the urinal looking like hes having a bit of trouble!Anyway he finishes his piss and being the nice guy he is asks the gent if he needs a hand! "Sure would mate" says the man "dont suppose you could pull me old fella out could yah" ," sure "replies the samaritan so he proceeds to undo his fly and pull out this poor guys cock which is covered in all sorts of festering crap really quite an abomination of sorts "dont spose you can just hold it why I piss"," yeah o.k "replies the samaritan trying his hardest not to puke "can you give it a shake now mate" "yeah o.k" he replies "now just tuck it back in will yah and I will be on my way" replys the bloke.So the samaritan tucks it in as quick as possible wishing he had never needed a piss in the first place and looking for the nearest basin to wash his hands.After hes done he cant help himself and asks the bloke "what the hell is wrong with your cock mate"

As quick as a flash the man rips his arms out of his shirt and says "****ed if I know but I aint touching it"


Josh

 

[Josh]

Couple of quickies


Q.What do you call a poof dinosaur

A Megasorearse


Q.what do you call a lesbian Dinosaur

A.Lickalotapus

 

[Ron]

just got this 1 sent via text message

Dear Jonathan Ross
I've shagged your daughter!
Who's laughing now
Lots of love
Gary Glitter
x

 

[Grant]

just got this 1 sent via text message

Dear Jonathan Ross
I've shagged your daughter!
Who's laughing now
Lots of love
Gary Glitter
x

Thats a beauty Ron.

Grant. :mrgreen:

 

[Josh]

Got this in an email!!


Potential problem with an Obama precidency

 

[Grant]

Got this in an email!!


Potential problem with an Obama precidency

****ing beauty mate. :lol: :lol: :lol:

cheers.

Grant. :mrgreen:

 

[Josh]

Yeah pissed myself nearly when I got it!thought it was very clever!

Josh

 

[weasel]

Nice one!

 

[Grant]

Yeah pissed myself nearly when I got it!thought it was very clever!

Josh

Very cool. Who thinks of these. :lol:

Mad.

Cheers.

Grant.

 

[Ron]

10 cows in a field which 1 is on holiday ?

The 1 with the wee calf

 

[Grant]

10 cows in a field which 1 is on holiday ?

The 1 with the wee calf

Ron,

Where did you get that joke fro a ice lolly stick. :lol: :lol:

Cheers.

Grant. :mrgreen:

 

[Bollux]

****ing hell that brings back memories!

 

[Grant]

****ing hell that brings back memories!

Bollux.

There are still ice lollys out there with Jokes on them.

My favourite ice lollys still have them on.

Toffee crumbles - they cant be beaten.

Cheers.

Grant. :lol: :lol: