Would it be rude if I backed out of this deal?

[Joe]

This isn't a SWF deal but even so I won't be naming any names, this isn't a watch out thread either just wanted a few opinions if possible chaps!

Ok so the short story is:

I agreed to buy an item from a friend who I have bought from before, I asked if he wouldn't mind me paying at the end of that month, he said it was perfectly fine. We had no conversation between that time and me paying, he didn't tell me the deal was off nor did I say I couldn't pay or didn't want the item, admittedly I sent the money on a bit later than expected but he did get it as a gift.

Once the money was received he then said he was sorry but there must have been some confusion as he thought I no longer wanted the item and he no longer had it, I said I was disappointed but he offered some other bits and bobs to me for the same price which I then agreed to, after all I had sent the money and wanted to get something for it as I always find refunds rather pointless when all I want to do is buy something.

So, after agreeing to the new deal 3 months pass and I still haven't had anything turn up, I then get an email to say that because the shipping company he deals with had some issues with my address he was having difficulty sending my items out and what did I want him to do?

So, 3 months and no items and if I ever do get something it isn't even the item I paid for at the start.

Question is at this stage do I try to work this one out or do we just call it a day and I get a refund?

 

[itfciain]

For me it all depends on how desperately you want the items. The seller has messed you about for a while now - 3 months to post is shocking - I feel bad if I haven't posted within 3 days

You know the guy better than us so it is hard to comment on how trustworthy he is but I would probably get the money back an look elsewhere

 

[plantman]

i would just get a refund unless you really want the other stuff

 

[snaggletooth]

Not rude at all in my opinion and I would have pulled out as soon as i heard he had sold the original item on me, 3 months to get it posted seems a little strange to me also.

 

[aussiejames]

If they haven't even been sent then " Would it be rude if I backed out of this deal? " no way. Get your money back.

 

[PGowdy]

You're within your rights to back out now should you chose to. If it's gonna lose you a friend and you're not that fussed about going through with it then it might just be better to do so. Personally i wouldn't have dealt with him again after the first time. I had someone on here agree to hold something for me and even said 'take your time, whenever you can pay is fine' then he sold it and messaged me saying sorry but i took too long (it was about 4 weeks i believe). It's annoying. When i'm selling something i would never tell someone to take their time with payment cos once that's said i could be waiting 6 months (and the person is allowed to take that long if i've said that) but if i agree a later, specific date for payment (which is more likely) at the end of that allotted time i would contact the buyer and say 'hey, do you still want this? Or shall i sell it to someone else?'. It's basic etiquette.

 

[edd_jedi]

Sounds like more hassle than it's worth for both parties mate! Just get a refund, there shouldn't be any hard feelings either way, it was just a misunderstanding.

 

[CRAZYHAZY]

I agree with Pete, What would annoy me is the sellers basic etiquette also.
The length of time is a pain in the ass, but for me what is more annoying is that you have not had frequent updates over that time, you have just been left hanging!

He should have kept you updated at the very least.

As a seller you should do your very best to provide a decent service, if he was having trouble with a shipping company there are others he can use.

If it were me and i really wanted those items and i trusted the guy and wait, if the items are not that important - refund

 

[Grant_C]

I'd move on. 3 months is reaching the limit 4sure.

 

[tiefighterboy]

Refund for sure.

 

[Joe]

Cheers for the input guys.

I usually don't mind the wait, I have waited 3-4 months for sellers to come through on RS and other forums before and they all usually do, is it acceptable? No not at all but it is unfortunately quite common (especially when things are expensive which sucks even more!)

Sometimes it pays to wait (if the items are mega rare or you can't get them from anyone else) and sometimes you wait because rocking the boat would lead to more problems than its worth.

As for this deal, I think the lack of communication is to blame, as Pete said (and probably a few others) if he had just asked me: "Hey do you still want this? I have another buyer" we might have avoided this situation completely. We are both quite relaxed guys and our previous deals have always been completed in good time and with no problems so I couldn't get my head around this one when he suddenly said he had already sold it after offering it to me and saying he was cool with me sending payment at a later date. During that time I was preparing to move house so admittedly I got snowed under and should have just paid quicker but with life getting in the way and no emails from him to say otherwise I presumed the deal was still on.

I have now asked him to call the deal off and will see what he says, in his defence he did try to make up for the initial mistake by offering me items worth more than the original item but as this has now dragged on for 3 months I have just found myself completely detached from the entire deal. I guess I held on this long so I got *something* for my money but I think in all honesty I didn't really want the replacement items from the start..Bummer.

 

[edd_jedi]

Some of you guys are way too tolerant/patient, if I bought something and the seller hadn't bothered to ship it after more than a couple of weeks, I'd be opening a paypal dispute. If you can't post things promptly, don't sell things. Simple.

 

[Joe]

Yeah admittedly I am one of those people that tends to sit on his hands and hopes for the best.

The thing is, when you get friendly with people in a community they no longer become just a seller IMO, it is completely different to ebay in the sense that when you buy on ebay you usually have no previous dealings with the seller/buyer and your communication is almost non existent as ebay/paypal handle it all, many of the people I deal with on the boards I have been speaking to for years so I kinda allow them a bit more time to make good on a deal.

I know from the past couple of years that life can go from hunky dory to red alert very quickly though so I never assume someone is just being lazy, I always think something must have come up that is either stopping them from getting to the post office or is just occupying their mind/time more than the hobby is.

Still, no excuse in reality but it is just the way I handle things.

 

[PGowdy]

Some of you guys are way too tolerant/patient, if I bought something and the seller hadn't bothered to ship it after more than a couple of weeks, I'd be opening a paypal dispute. If you can't post things promptly, don't sell things. Simple.

Completely agree. I fell out with Joe Y over this. He seemed to think it was completely acceptable to post things out weeks if not months after payment is received cos "i'm busy". Still pretty quick to take your money tho. In my completely correct opinion any more than 3 or 4 days is completely unacceptable. 2 weeks for me would be beyond the realms of comprehension, i genuinely can't fathom how i would morally justify making someone wait 2 weeks to send something that they'd already paid me for (literally no excuse other than my own death would be acceptable) but 3 months... christ... my head is about to explode!

 

[edd_jedi]

Likewise - even if some major family stuff went down, I'd be able to find 20 minutes to box something up and post it over the course of a week. Or give it to a friend to do for you, 5 minutes. **** things happen in life, but you can't use that as an excuse to sit around feeling sorry for yourself or inconveniencing other people IMO. And I guarantee the 20 minutes needed to post something takes a lot less time and causes less stress than fobbing people off for months during a supposedly difficult time.

 

[Grant_C]

It really depends on the seller and the item.

 

[itfciain]

In my completely correct opinion any more than 3 or 4 days is completely unacceptable. 2 weeks for me would be beyond the realms of comprehension, i genuinely can't fathom how i would morally justify making someone wait 2 weeks to send something that they'd already paid me for (literally no excuse other than my own death would be acceptable) but 3 months... christ... my head is about to explode!

I ship out £100s of pounds worth of items each week and normally take at least 4-5 packages down to the Post Office on a daily basis - sure I can be a couple of days late if something comes up but there really is nothing that should stop me getting down there within that sort of time frame - three months is a joke

If I have taken your money then I have a duty to get your item to you as quickly as possible

 

[PGowdy]

Same here. I just got back from the post office. Went yesterday afternoon too. I go most days or possibly once every 2 days from time to time. The longest gap i have is from friday to monday as i don't post saturdays (which i state in my sales) so if you bought something friday at say 4pm you could be waiting till monday for it to be posted but that is the longest gap i EVER leave. Obviously if i was on holiday i would put one of them "I'm away" notices on ebay and post everything when i got back.

 

[edd_jedi]

Yes a lot of people selling stuff seem to forget that by selling things, you are offering a service and are expected to offer a good service. These people are not doing anybody a favour by selling stuff, which is what they seem to think.

 

[Richard_H]

Personally I don't mind waiting if it's someone I talk to regularly and trust. But from the post doesn't it appears he's offered a refund anyway or am I reading it wrong?

I do agree though if I was a seller, and even if I was in an iron lung I'd still get my other half to post something. Coma may be more difficult but I'd try.