**** joke club

[Michael Sith]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Stormtrooper37]

Define Agony - A man hanging off the edge of a cliff with an itchy bum.

Define Real Agony - A one armed man hanging off the edge of a cliff with an itchy bum

 

[jackabina]

Two lads in their local, see a newbie at the bar and decide to talk to him. The guy is well dressed, and looks like he's doing ok for himself.
"what do you do mate? Not seen you in here before"
"i'm a logical scientist", says the man.
"What does that mean"?
The guy replies, " that mean's I can tell you things about yourself, just by asking you questions, and applying logic"
"i'll show you, Do you like fish"?
"yeah", said the local, "I've got a few in the garden"
"So, if you've got fish, you must have a garden big enough for a pond"
"yeah, quite big" said the man
"so, you must have quite a big house"?
"yeah, i've got a 5 bed detatched"
"so if you've got a big house, you must have a large family"?
"If you have 4 or 5 kids, you must have a pretty wife"?
"yeah, she's lovely", he says
"so if you have a beautiful wife, I bet you have a pretty good sex life"?
"if you have a good sex life, chances are, you don't need to masterbate?
"no, no, I dont need to do that kind of think"

"Well" said the chap, "that gives you some idea of what I do"
"thanks mate, very interesting". With that, he goes and sits down with his mate.

"what did he say", said his mate
"well, said the first guy, I think I can tell you things, just by asking you questions"
I'll show you. "do you like fish?"
"No", said the friend.
"ah, said the first guy, you must be a wanker"!!

 

[weasel]

Just heard on the news that some poor bastard got trapped in a room full of Australians!

 

[theforceuk]

Bloke walks into a bar with a role or Tarmac under his arm and says I'll have a pint for me and one for the road. :?

 

[PIGCITY]

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.
The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again.

 

[Frunkstar]

Guy walks into a bar -

Bet that hurt

 

[jabbawokkie]

Whats E.T short for.
Because his legs are small

What did santa say to mrs santa when he lookedout window
Looks like reindeer

 

[jackabina]

Guy walks into his kitchen with a duck under his arm. His wife is at the kitchen sink doing the veg for tea.
"there you go", he say's, "there's the fat pig I've been ****in for 6 years".
His wife turns round and says "that's not a pig, it's a duck"
The guy replies, "I was talking to the duck"!

 

[itfciain]

Guy walks into his kitchen with a duck under his arm. His wife is at the kitchen sink doing the veg for tea.
"there you go", he say's, "there's the fat pig I've been ****in for 6 years".
His wife turns round and says "that's not a pig, it's a duck"
The guy replies, "I was talking to the duck"!

:lol:

And that is why it is a travesty that you weren't nominated - the actual winner will just have to live with the fact he is only the second funniest person on here

 

[jackabina]

:lol:

 

[SOJ]

Man walks into the doctors and says "doctor, every time I see myself in a mirror I get an erection"

The doctor replies "that's becuase you look like a ****"

 

[Richard_H]

A farmer has recently admitted that his herd of cows were not ghosts but instead were suffering from a heavy cold. His response was,"how was I to know? All they said was boo."