Richard_H
Grand Master
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a rare medical condition which means he can't feel heat in his nose.
It's called chilly conk arnie
It's called chilly conk arnie
**** joke club
- Thread starter Michael Sith
- Start date
Rebel_Runner
Jedi Master
- Joined
- May 16, 2013
- Messages
- 880
:roll: :lol:Cc4rhu said:
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
I fell asleep while eating a curry and didn't wake up for months...
Apparently I slipped into a korma.
Apparently I slipped into a korma.
Richard_H
Grand Master
My mate just got sacked as a dodgem operator. He's taking his employer to tribunal for funfair dismissal.
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
I got a new dog, the local blacksmith gave him to me as he couldn't look after him properly...
It all seemed well until we got home, then the dog made a bolt for the door.
It all seemed well until we got home, then the dog made a bolt for the door.
Lets get Christmassy :!:
A group of Paranoid Schizophrenics put on a Christmas Panto, when the audience shouted "He's behind you"....all hell broke loose!
Disclaimer....this is a joke and not meant to offend :wink: , anyway I didn't write it, I did!
A group of Paranoid Schizophrenics put on a Christmas Panto, when the audience shouted "He's behind you"....all hell broke loose!
Disclaimer....this is a joke and not meant to offend :wink: , anyway I didn't write it, I did!
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
Stick to the poems Mike :wink:
Christmas Eve, torrential rain
Mrs Christmas to Santa.....
" don't go out in the rain dear" :?
Mrs Christmas to Santa.....
" don't go out in the rain dear" :?
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
Oh deer :lol: It reminds me of this one...
There where 3 people in a train carriage going to Moscow on Christmas Eve. A Communist Russian called Rudolph, an English Eco Warrior called Jane and a Scottish Zionist called Jimmy.
As the journey continued the conversation turned to the weather, Jane predicted dry and calm, while Jimmy predicted dry with strong winds. The Russian took a quick glance out of the window and grunted '"It rain all night and day".
Jane looked at Jimmy and laughed, "There is not a cloud in the sky". To which Jimmy replied "Aye, but it will definitely rain because" as he burst into song...
"Rudolph the Red knows rain dear..."
Sorry, I have been avoiding telling that one for years but you coaxed it out of me Michael
There where 3 people in a train carriage going to Moscow on Christmas Eve. A Communist Russian called Rudolph, an English Eco Warrior called Jane and a Scottish Zionist called Jimmy.
As the journey continued the conversation turned to the weather, Jane predicted dry and calm, while Jimmy predicted dry with strong winds. The Russian took a quick glance out of the window and grunted '"It rain all night and day".
Jane looked at Jimmy and laughed, "There is not a cloud in the sky". To which Jimmy replied "Aye, but it will definitely rain because" as he burst into song...
"Rudolph the Red knows rain dear..."
Sorry, I have been avoiding telling that one for years but you coaxed it out of me Michael
Badum Tisch!!! :lol: :lol:
Top stuff!!!
The shitter the better....this is the **** joke club after all
Name the reindeers if you can I bet you miss at least one!
Top stuff!!!
The shitter the better....this is the **** joke club after all
Name the reindeers if you can I bet you miss at least one!
Rebel_Runner
Jedi Master
- Joined
- May 16, 2013
- Messages
- 880
German sausages are the wurst! :lol: :roll:
Now were talking :lol: :lol:
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
Whats green and shoot out of your nose at 100mph? A LamboGreeny
What shoots out of your arse at 100mph? A MasaFarty
What shoots out of your arse at 100mph? A MasaFarty
What zooms across a washing line at 100 mph.....
Hondapants
Hondapants
Richard_H
Grand Master
A wizard walks into a castle hall when a party is going on. The king stands up and says,"get out. You're not invited."
The wizard replies,"do you know who I am? I have the power to freeze you all."
Raucous laughter ensues. The wizard, annoyed turns and zaps the nearest fellow who promptly becomes frozen stiff.
The king,"hey, you can't come in here and freeze a jolly good fellow."
"And so says all of us." Replies the rest.
The wizard replies,"do you know who I am? I have the power to freeze you all."
Raucous laughter ensues. The wizard, annoyed turns and zaps the nearest fellow who promptly becomes frozen stiff.
The king,"hey, you can't come in here and freeze a jolly good fellow."
"And so says all of us." Replies the rest.
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
I don't know whether to laugh or cry :lol:
Richard_H
Grand Master
I have a worse one. I'm leaving it for a while until I think on how to write it.
I'm still laughing Richard :lol: :lol: it's a cracker ( probably in one :lol: )
JuniorChubb
Sith Lord
A doctor had a strange visit recently. One of his patients came in to tell him about his wife, apparently every time she moved her lady garden let out a strange whistling sound. Goodness gracious me the doctor replied, bring her to me, I will deal with her myself...
So the next week the wife visits the doctor, as she walks in he hears the whistling every time her legs move, then as she sits down a longer and louder whistle. He examines her internally and externally and can find no reason for the whistling sound coming from her 'Jack & Danny'. Amazed he considers sending her on Britain's Got Talent but he has another idea. He informs the lady that he is going to a Doctors Convention next week, it will be full of experts of the Nether Regions and surely one of them will know what the problem is. As she is too embarrassed to attend herself he makes a recording of the sound emanating from her 'door hinge' and play it to the experts for a better diagnosis. So the recording begins...
The day of the convention soon comes round and the Doctor is excited to demonstrate the strange case he has discovered, he gathers some experts around and plays them the tape.
They all sit in silence and listen, at the end the the Doctor asks them for their opinions...
One of the experts gives him a stern look and says 'it sounds like some **** whistling to me'....
So the next week the wife visits the doctor, as she walks in he hears the whistling every time her legs move, then as she sits down a longer and louder whistle. He examines her internally and externally and can find no reason for the whistling sound coming from her 'Jack & Danny'. Amazed he considers sending her on Britain's Got Talent but he has another idea. He informs the lady that he is going to a Doctors Convention next week, it will be full of experts of the Nether Regions and surely one of them will know what the problem is. As she is too embarrassed to attend herself he makes a recording of the sound emanating from her 'door hinge' and play it to the experts for a better diagnosis. So the recording begins...
The day of the convention soon comes round and the Doctor is excited to demonstrate the strange case he has discovered, he gathers some experts around and plays them the tape.
They all sit in silence and listen, at the end the the Doctor asks them for their opinions...
One of the experts gives him a stern look and says 'it sounds like some **** whistling to me'....
